* March 2014

March 4th, 2014

Fragility ~ /fruh-jil-i-tee/

Fragility is what you call it when your nails break each time you touch them. Or when you point at something. Or when you don't point at something. Or when you stare at your nails for too long. Or not. Or when you breathe. Or when you... you get the point.

I've been thinking for days about a word that best describes my days or mood, so I could blog about it, and hurrah, when I broke yet another nail this morning, it hit me. Fragility is the perfect word to use at this moment, since it appears my nails are so fragile even looking at them for longer than 3 seconds makes them split.

Someone once told me a fingernail consists of 4 different nail-layers. Well, most of mine now consist of 3 layers, and that's only because one of those layers is nailpolish.

I'm not sure what's going on, or what I'm doing wrong. But then again, I usually have this once or twice a year, and once my chipped, misformed nails are outgrown by new, perfect 4-layer nails, it's all fine again. So my guess is it has something to do with the weather changing from cold autumn-like to warm-autumlike, with spring poking its head around the corner every now and then. Because it's not just my nails you see (although that is my biggest point of frustration at this moment). I feel exhausted almost all the time, even when I've slept for 10 hours straight, 3 days in a row. My hair is slowly starting to shed again, which I guess means I'm going back into my "summer coat", like dogs and cats. It just feels as if something's hanging in the air.

I'm not sure what that is, though. I only know it's attacking my nails and making me sleepy.

Fragility... I thought spring encompassed new life. Let's hope it encompasses new fingernails as well.

Xx,
Sam
March 6th, 2014

Temptation ~ /temp-tey-shuh n/

Temptation is putting a HUGE bowl with chocolate Easter eggs (with filling!) in a place I often pass when walking through the house, so that I cannot refrain from eating one (or two, or three) each time I see them. Which is, basically, every 10 seconds.

My man Oscar Wilde (I can't seem to call him just Oscar, Mr. Wilde, Lord W. or anything else but "My Man Oscar"... I think I might need help for that. Then again, I think I might need help for a lot of things) once said:

"I can resist anything, except temptation."

If he was honest when making this famous quote, does this mean that, were he in my shoes right now, he'd be stuffing his mouth full with my mum's chocolate Easter eggs, not caring at all? Hm, not sure. Then again, it IS my man Oscar we're talking about, so who knows. Guess that's why I like him so much, apart from him being a fantastic writer and playwright of course. Hey, maybe he even came up with that quote because he couldn't resist chocolate Easter eggs himself! Hmm... probably not.

Anyway, back to my chocolate temptations. I swear they taunt me! They silently dare me to eat them. And I do like a dare. In fact, tell me I can't do something and I will most likely do it, just to prove you wrong.
Sad side note to this is that I've tasted all of them (of course), and not one of them is disgusting. I mean, most of the times there's always this one colour/taste of egg you dislike and thus don't eat (until you run out of the good ones). But these... freaking eggs all taste so good! Ok, I admit, the blue and pink ones are my favourites, but I don't seem to have any problems with the other ones either.

I asked my mum why on Earth she's already bought Easter eggs, since it's not close to Easter yet, but she thought she was doing me and my dad a favour by buying (and displaying) them.

Sure mom -_-

Maybe this is the right time to confess I have a secret eating code, ever since I found out I have a pretty bad skin and this is often due to bad eating habits. My code is: drink lots of water, watch what you eat, don't eat unhealthy snacks during the week, don't eat too much unhealthy stuff during the weekend, and stay away from my Two Weaknesses as much as I can: cheese (om nom nom) and chocolate (<3 <3).

I was doing really well, if I may say so myself. Was.

Stupid eggs.

Maybe the only cure for temptations like these is to get rid of the temptation itself, so you can't give in to it anymore. If that's the case, I better start working my way through those eggs ASAP! :D

It's a good thing I am not the Easter Bunny. I don't think I'd have any eggs left to hide...

Love,
Sam
March 11th,2014

Destiny ~ /des-tuh-nee/

Destiny, an uncanny feeling of dissatisfaction with any idea you've come up with thus far on how to live your life, most commonly coming over you when you try, really hard, to fall asleep. Frustratingly, that is exactly where destiny ends; it does not give any answers, it merely makes you feel as if you're failing. Badly.


I have an extreme fear of failing. That is to say: ONE of my extreme fears (I've gathered a couple throughout the years) is to fail. In general, but mostly, in life. 


The irony of that is that I am so scared of failing I hardly dare change anything in my life, leading to me now being 27, living at home with my parents, not having a job or boyfriend and, some people in my surroundings seriously lean heavily on this last matter, not being pregnant.


So, one could say I need not fear I'll fail, for thus far I've already done it.


Having said that, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. What I do know is, that I want to get a place of my own, preferably in another country, and... yea, that's it. Oh, and I want to have a pet bunny. Yes, that's some great goals and plans I've got, huh ;)


Before a good week ago, I really thought (and despreately tried to feel this was the right thought) I wanted to find a job in Ireland and move there. Yes, I love Ireland. I have a weak spot for that gorgeous country and if I would indeed ever end up there, I'd not be surprised at all.


However, ever since my return from Dublin, when I tried and tried to FEEL I really belonged there rather than here, I've... well... simply not been feeling it. And to acknowlegde that I might be wrong there, when I'd already been telling everyone I know how badly I want to go back, well... that's a bit sour. Because let's face it, if this is not what I want, then what IS? 


Self-reflection (I'm getting better and better at that, thank the Lord) taught me I want to go a bit further than Ireland this time. I am not done with travelling yet, maybe I'll never be. But I asked myself where I'd go if tomorrow I'd wake up and someone would give me an open ticket which I could use to go ANYWHERE in the world...


Yes, I surprised myself with my own answer.


But at least it's a lead. It may take me nowhere, it may take me very far (quite literally). For now, I'll keep it to myself and see if there's even a way to do what my latest brainfart is telling my heart now. Or is it not a brainfart, but simply destiny knocking on my door (or rather my head), trying to keep me from doing something I only think I want, trying to wake me up and steering me into the right direction?


We'll see. At least it gives me a bit of a purpose now, figuring it out. Which is always better than sitting at home with my parents, without a job or a boyfriend. OR a baby on the way (like that would fix anything).


We shall see if destiny is right. It probably is. I mean... it's hardly ever wrong, is it?


Xoxo,

Sam
March 16th, 2014

Adventurous ~ /ad-ven-cher-uh s/

Adventurous is eating a white chocolate chip macadamia nut American cookie, even though you know it's way too "crunchy" because you had it in the oven for too long and eating it may cause your teeth to break, for the simple fact the taste is divine.


Ok, so it was not just the taste (although it did taste soooooo good, if I may say so myself), but also the fact that one of the main ingredients, the macadamia nuts, where hardly anywhere to be found. And when I eventually did find them they were massively overpriced AND salted. So in order to make these delicious cookies, I not only had to cycle through half of my hometown in order to find the required nuts and pay a price for them for which I could've bought 3 ready-made likewise cookies from the freshly baked department in the same supermarket (maybe that's why they overprice these darn nuts! Hah! I'm on to them now!), but I also had to rinse them with water in order to get most of the bloody salt off.


But, I prevailed and the cookies smelled and looked amazing. 


Sad part is, I didn't know these cookies would remain fairly white all throughout the baking process. Which means that, instead of taking them out of the oven on time and just letting them cool off as specified by the recipe, Neurotic Me had to let them linger in the oven for, and I hereby quote my brains: "only just a few more minutes, so they turn nicely golden-brown." 


If anything, I should have learned by now never EVER to listen to my brain when in a new-thing-never-before-tried-this-recipe baking process. EVER.


Damn brains.


Anyway, it was only when I had settled onto the sofa, armed with a cup of tea and one of my gorgeous cookies, I took a first bite. That is, I TRIED to take my first bite, for the thing was so hard I was afraid I'd dislocate my jaw if I kept trying to bite a piece off. And it only got worse when I heard my mother making her way through her white chocolate chip macadamia nut American cookie. 


It sounded as if she was sawing something... (Thank goodness she has dentures. Although she might need new ones now).


Really, she made the same noise my gerbils used to make when they were gnawing on their rock-solid candy :')


After that epiphanous (ooh, nice word, should've used that one!) afternoon, I was left with a difficult choice to make: what was I going to do with my poor cookies? Was I to throw them out, so the birds could, well, TRY to feast on them? Or would I not give up the fight and keep gnawing, chopping, breaking and smashing my way through them myself?


I chose the latter. Why? Because I can. Because I am the type of person that does not just give up without a fight. Because I love white chocolate, nuts and cookies. Because I loved the taste of that rock hard baked goodness and it was more than worth it.


And also because I did NOT spent a sh*tload of money on ingredients only to throw the final product away!


So I stuck to it, finding new ways to break off bits and eat them like they were supposed to be eaten. Every cookie was a battle, but every outcome was in my favour. At least, the favour of my taste. Maybe not so much the favour of my teeth...


Well, at least I know my dentist will be proud of me ;)


Xx,

Sam

March 23rd, 2014

Shame ~ /sheym/

Shame is a feeling of great discomfort, often starting its attack on your body in the back of your neck, working its way down your arms and chest as well as travelling up towards your face, leaving you with the uncomfortable sensation of being slowly burned from within. It occurs after something stupid has been done, either by yourself or by someone else.


I am ashamed to be Dutch.


There, I've said it. It was never a secret that I don't like my home country, but some things have happened during the past week and now I can safely say I am terribly ashamed of being Dutch. 


The main point of my rage and shame is Geert Wilders. For those who do not know him: he is the biggest idiot in our present national politics and he's a Class A racist (at least, that's my opinion). I don't understand how on Earth he's ever managed to get so many votes that his party keeps growing and gaining power, but I guess that just proves that the Netherlands really aren't as tolerant as everyone thinks.


Wilders hates terrorists, ergo he hates the Islam, ergo he hates all muslims. I reckon that's how he thinks, because that's practically all he's ever saying. So, one of the main issues he fights for is to get rid of all the muslims in the Netherlands... He has been doing so for years, but nobody every realllllly paid attention to him since he's such a loser and we all kind of take him as the joke of our parliament.


But last week we had local elections. Quick explanation: the Netherlands is divided into 12 provinces, each province is divided into several municipalities. And each municipality has a leading local political party, very often a sister party of a big national one. 


Wilders' party gained a lot of votes compared to the last local elections (HOW?? WHY?) and he was therefore celebrating with his homies, when all of a sudden (and this is caught on camera so don't think I am joking):


"People in The Hague, I'm asking you once and for all: do you want more or less Moroccans in The Hague!?"


To which the entire (!!) room started chanting "Less! Less! Less!" and Wilders concluded with: "Well then, let's take care of that".


Shame. Utter embarrassment. That this not only can happen, but is actually happening in contemporary society. In my "oh so tolerant" country!

Yes, there are a lot of others that are mad at him. Yes, a lot of people have told him off for it or have even pressed charges for discrimination. But no, he does not understand "what all the commotion is about" and no, he is not going to apologize or take back anything he said, for it is what he thinks and we have freedom of speech in our country after all.


Yes, freedom of speech in our beautiful, 'very tolerant' country. Now that's something we should hang on to, something important. Something very fundamentalistic of our society and something we should treasure and be proud of to have, shouldn't we? And it really doesn't matter who you hurt with your freedom of speech, because hey, it's your opinion and what could possibly be wrong with that?


Shame. That's all I feel when I see the footage or read his excuses. Utter embarrassment. I am ashamed to be Dutch.


...


I'd rather be Moroccan.
March 25th, 2014

Divinity ~ /dih-vin-i-tee/

Divinity is something, or someone, that has the quality of being divine; i.e., someone or something that is so darn spectacular, it is in a league of their own.

Last Saturday I went to see Sister Act with my parents. I don't really know why, but I saw the show being promoted in TV commercials and I thought it'd be fun. Because, let's face it, the movie it is based on was actually quite entertaining (plus the music was great, so imagine hearing those songs live, I thought).

Couple of things: first of all, I had no idea this specific weekend would be the weekend of the International Nuclear Security Summit being held in The Hague, which also happens to be the only city in the Netherlands Sister Act is performed in. Boo for that!

Also boo for my stressful dad, who thought it best to follow emailed advice by the Teather to leave home a little early due to road blocks and The Hague being prepared to become hermetically closed off of society. "A little early" translated into leaving for the show 5 (!!) hours before it started, rather than a normal 1.5-2 hours.

Needless to say, we were most definitely on time.

Second, even if I thought this show would be fun to visit, I never in a million years expected myself to like it better than any of the other shows I ever saw in The Hague, among which are Wicked and Tarzan. Thence, I was excited to go there, but not too overly excited.

Maybe it were the low expectations, maybe the show just really WAS amazing or maybe it was all of the above, but I LOVED IT!

There was so much humour in it I sometimes was scared I'd fall of my chair. The music was amazing and very, very, VERY well performed by ALL singers! Whether they sang in groups or solo, each and every one of them was spectacular and it sounded (here we go) divine!

I had forgotten all about the characters in the movie and how the story evolved and ended, so even when knowing the main plot, I was still curious to see what would happen next.

What happened was the actors started their final song "Get Up And Join In" and nobody in the audience did what they were told. Ehhh, sang.

Boo again for that! I really felt like I should jump up and clap along, but since I had already tried the clapping part and nobody around me (except my mum, bless her little heart) joined in, I thought it safe to stay put until someone else would see the light and lead us.

Unfortunately, nobody did.

But, all in all, I had a blast! The cast was great (I swear we were not supposed to have the "big name" as the Head Nun for our matinee performance, but we did!), the vibe was great, and they totally deserve every praising word that's been written about the show.

Truly divine!

Xx,
Sam